Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
