It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my poor anus
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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