I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
