get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
