I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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