I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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