Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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