Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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