Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All the doctor said was why
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
