Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
