I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
