I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
