You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
