Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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