I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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