i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
