You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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