guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
