you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
