im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
