I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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