His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
