The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
