so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
