Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
