I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
