nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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