my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
