party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
