My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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