apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
