I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
