Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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