I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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