you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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