like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
