Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
