go do what you do best...puke behind churches
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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