Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
