drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
