I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
