mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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