my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
