he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
