watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
