my vag is so smooth its legendary
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How does one acquire holy water?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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