i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
