my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
