brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
