So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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