girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
