idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
