Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
