Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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